What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 09:41
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What techniques can be used to sing like Freddie Mercury if one is unable to hit high notes?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i lived it daily.
Hurricane Sandy May Have Affected The Brains of Unborn Children - ScienceAlert
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
'Classmates threw Snickers at me to test my peanut anaphylaxis' - BBC
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He knew the spot.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Is a light therapy mask a good investment?
Why did i forgive my father ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Common Antibiotic Found To Tame Blood Pressure in Surprising New Role - SciTechDaily
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What are the primary benefits of using infrared sauna blankets?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What 200+ million Galaxy users can expect during Samsung Unpacked - SamMobile
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
It was going to be , some day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were not on the streets..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
All the time i was locked up.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But, we were locked up after school.
So, i spoilt her more .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Especially a lifetime of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My life is so biszare .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ive learnt so much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I have no regrets .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was scared of men, in general
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
I was seconnd youngest,
I don,t even have a pension.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One cannot live in the past .
She loved him until the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When she asked me how she looked .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Comes on , in middle age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Put me off passion for life!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.